Suburban Timewaster

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The Breakfast Club Episode 3 Recap

A/N: I usually post reviews on Fridays, but I was really excited about ending the movie part of The Breakfast Club before getting to what happened after.  I also wanted to announce that Jasmine Ross now has her own TUMBLR account here!  Be sure to follow her and ask her any questions you want!

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Dear Diary,

I’m back and Allison’s waving the very piece of paper that can either make or break me. Andrew asked what it was and Allison answered that it was my transfer letter! I told Allison that it was mine and demanded that she give it back! I even tried grabbing the letter, but she held it out of my reach! I didn’t find this funny and I made sure to tell Allison that! Allison only muttered an uh-huh and you have no idea how badly I wanted to scream at her! Fortunately, my mom always told me that it’s white trash to scream in public, so I decided to appeal to Allison’s better nature and beg her not to reveal my secret, saying that I would never do that to her. Allison had a change of heart and extended the letter to me. Bender said that there needed to be less talking and more reading. He snatched the letter out of Allison’s hands and quickly scanned it over! Bender sounded almost impressed, but that doesn’t excuse him for reading my transfer letter! Claire wanted to know what it said, so Bender explained that, according to the letter, I didn’t come to Shermer by choice, I got expelled from my last school! Brian said that even Bender hasn’t been expelled, which Andrew and I both remarked “yet.” Hey, I was angry, don’t judge me! Then Bender, that fucking asshole, starts to read my letter out loud! “Jasmine was expelled from Dewey High, on the grounds of…”

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They didn’t get to hear why I was expelled, as I told Bender to look out and pretended to point to something behind him. He turned around and fell for the oldest trick in the book as I snatched the letter out of his hand! I even told Bender that I can’t believe he fell for that. Bender said that at least the rumors were mostly true and was happy to know that I’m not a poser. I asked what Bender meant by mostly and he explained that he heard that I was a bitch, but it seems like I’m more of an asshole. I told Bender that I’d take that as a compliment. Brian asked what the difference was and Bender said that there’s a fine, but definite, distinction. Brian wanted to know what that distinction was. Bender called Brian a dweeb and told him that he doesn’t have time to get into the subtleties of derogatory diction with him right now because we’ve got bigger fish to fry! Then Bender asked me what my story was, practically demanding that I spill it! I told Bender the truth, if I screw up here, my next stop is military school. Brian seemed shocked and even said, “holy shit!” Claire asked if I was serious. Andrew agreed that my situation sucks. Bender said that it was better than prison. Andrew remarked that Bender’s never been to prison. Bender asked Andrew if he wanted to bet. I said that, whatever Military School is like, I don’t want to go and even said that it’ll be the end of me. Allison said that she knows why I got kicked out of my last school!

Andrew told Allison to give it a rest. Claire said that I’ll tell them if I feel like it. Brian asked Allison why she’s so freaking weird. Allison said that to conform is to die a slow death. I have to admit, even if Allison is grating on me, I kind of like that line. Claire asked Allison if she’s weird because she thinks not being weird is a slow death. Allison asked if we really want to know why she’s so weird. Brian said that he thinks it might shed some light. I told Allison that I like to think of it as finding out what makes her tick. Allison asked me if this was research for my next writing project. I finally just asked Allison what’s going on and if she’s okay. Allison jerked her head away and her eyes filled with tears. Then said that, if we really want to know why she’s so weird, then we can empty her bag on the table. I took the bait and emptied the bag, saying that this should be fascinating.

Allison handed me her bag and I dumped the contents onto the table seeing tons of stuff spill out like socks, underwear, a shirt, shampoo, toothpaste, tampons, a bus pass, a tarot card, a 45 record. I asked Allison if she always carried this much shit in her bag. She said that she does. I examined the bus pass, which was a one-way ticket to New York. I asked Allison if she wants to go to New York. She said maybe and that it depends. I asked her what it depends on. Allison said that it depends on how far she wants to get away from here. I looked at the tarot card, which was the death card. I asked Allison if she was trying to tell us something. Allison told me that it’s not what I think it means. I asked Allison what it means and she explained that it signifies endings, beginnings, transformation, and transition. Finally, I checked out the 45 record, which was a song called “Gotta Get Away” by The Blue Balls. Seems like everything in Allison’s bag is about getting away and I even pointed that out, asking Allison if that’s why she has all this stuff in her bag. She explained that you never know when you may have to bolt. Brian asked Allison if she’s going to be a shopping bag lady, sitting in alleyways and talking to buildings wearing men’s shoes and that kind of thing. Allison said that she’ll do what she has to do. Brian asked Allison if she’s saying she’d subject herself to the dangers of the Chicago streets. Allison said that she doesn’t have to run away and live on the street, she can run away and go to the ocean, she can go to the country, she can go to the mountains, she can go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan and then she turned to me. Then she asked me where I would run away to. I told Allison that I run away every day in my head to lands I create or other people created for me. I said that, considering the stories my mom told me about runaways, it’s the safer option. Allison told me to imagine running away from home forever, where would I go. I told her that, off of the top of my head, I’d probably take my mom with me and go somewhere fun like the circus or the amusement park. Allison asked me what job I would want and I said that I’d probably want to be an acrobat. Allison said that she would’ve guessed a clown. I told Allison that I’ll keep that in mind if I ever want to be Batman’s arch nemesis. Brian perked up at the mention of Batman. Then I asked Allison how bad her life can be if she’s seriously thinking about running away. She said that her home life is unsatisfying. I told Allison that everyone’s home lives are unsatisfying because, if it wasn’t, people would live with their parents forever. Though, now that I think about it, there are people who live with their parents forever, but I kept that to myself. Brian said that he thinks it goes beyond what we might consider normal, everyday unsatisfying. Allison seemed to take offense to what we said and told us to forget it, because everything’s cool! Then she wiped a tear for her face and started shoving everything back into her bag. What did we say that was so offensive? Whatever it was, I feel guilty about it. So I decided to be sympathetic and walked over to help Allison put stuff back in her bag. I asked Allison what was wrong at home, and if it was really that bad. Allison nodded and I guessed that it has something to do with her parents, which she admitted was the truth. I asked Allison what they do to her and she said that they ignore her. I told Allison that I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make light of her problems like that. I just squeezed her shoulder as tears filled her eyes. Allison just sighed and clutched her bag to her chest. Then she said that she has to get away, somehow, because, if she doesn’t, she’ll end up just like them. Andrew asked if we’re all going to end up like our parents. Claire said that she wouldn’t, not ever. Allison said that it’s unavoidable and it just happens. I said that maybe we can still fight this by being what our parents could have been instead of how they ended up. Allison said that it doesn’t work that way because, when you grow, your heart dies.

Bender just scoffed and said, “Who cares?” A mix of emotions passed Allison’s face as she said that she cares and then looked at me while she was crying her eyes out. I chose to be sympathetic to Allison and said that I care too. Bender gave a sarcastic “Oh please,” and asked what that even means! I tried to explain that it means and Allison finished by saying that our lives are going to suck, but at least we don’t have to go through that suck alone and then gave me a friendly smile. I told Allison that she’s wrong, we don’t have to end up like our parents if we don’t want to. I said that I know that I’m not going to end up like my mom.

It’s 2:53 pm and we’re all seated on the floor in a circle. Claire asked us what we would do for a million bucks. Andrew said that he’d do as little as he had to. Claire responded by saying that his answer was boring. Andrew asked Claire how he was supposed to answer. Claire explained that the idea is to search his mind for the absolute limit. Then Claire turned to me and asked if I’d drive to school naked. I told her that I’ve dreamed about driving to school naked, which perked Bender up. Claire then explained to me if I would drive to school naked in real life for a million bucks. I said that I would, but only if I was sure whoever offered the deal wouldn’t back out at the last minute. Claire said if the person was sincere, would I do it in winter? I said that a little frost bite is nothing compared to living in a giant mansion with servants to do everything for you. Then I told Claire that I’d even do it on school picture day. Bender asked me to prove it. I told him that as soon as he shows me a case with a million bucks, I will. Bender gave me a perverted grin. Well, he doesn’t find the idea of me being naked disgusting, so he must be somewhat attracted to me. Allison agreed with me but then said that she’d do anything sexual and she wouldn’t need a million dollars to do it either. Claire rolled her eyes and accused Allison of lying. Considering how little Allison’s parents pay attention to her, it’s not hard to believe that she might do some… questionable things for just the slightest bit of acknowledgment. Allison told Claire that she’s done everything there is, except for a few things that are illegal. Then Allison claimed that she’s a nymphomaniac. Claire called it a lie and Brian asked Allison if her parents were aware of this. Honestly, I doubt they even care. Allison said that the only person she’s told is her shrink. I asked Allison what they did when she told them and all she did was grin and say that he nailed her! I found myself proclaiming that her shrink is a fucking sicko! Claire agreed with me as she said it was gross because he’s an adult! Allison said that he’s married too, but I don’t care if he’s single. He should not be fucking a teenage girl! Claire asked Allison if she’s crazy, but I told her that the one we should be disgusted with is the shrink, not Allison! Brian said that she must be crazy if she’s screwing her shrink! Allison then turned to me and asked if I’ve ever done it! I told Allison that I don’t have a psychiatrist, but I did see a school counselor once. I explained that all that happened was I burst into tears and he handed me tissues. Then Allison clarified that she meant if I’ve ever done it with anyone. Allison said that it’s a double-edged sword, and I asked her what she meant. Allison said that, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude, if you say you have, you’re a slut. Then Allison asked me if I’m a tease. I said that I don’t see why we have to be defined by whether we have or haven’t done it. Bender said that it means I’m a slut! I angrily told Bender that I’m not! Then he remarked that he’d say I’m a prude but I did say that I’d walk to school naked, so I’ve got to be a tease! I insisted that I’m not a tease but I’m not a prude either, I’m just me! Bender said that I’ve gotta be a tease, I just said that I haven’t done it with anyone and, the way I look, I’ve got to be a tease. I felt my face turn red, but I don’t know if it was from anger or embarrassment. I admitted that I can’t be a tease because no one at my old school even looked at me, all of their eyes were on my sister and the guys that did were more interested in using me to get to her! Bender scoffed, accusing me of lying, but I told him that I wasn’t lying! Then he remarked that my sister must have been one smoking hot babe if they were ignoring me for her and now I’m back to wanting to punch Bender’s lights out! Bender then remarked that I would be a slut if anyone gave me the option. I told Bender that it depends on who’s giving me the option! Allison got bored with me and turned to Claire, asking about her. Claire turned the question around to Allison, asking her if it bothers her to sleep around so much without being in love.

Then she asked Allison if she wants respect. Allison said that she doesn’t screw to get respect, claiming it’s the difference between her and Claire. Bender then turned to Claire and called her a tease, to which Claire angrily said that she’s not a tease! Bender said that Claire is because she said it herself, sex is a weapon and you use it to get respect. Claire said that she never said that and Allison twisted her words around. Bender asked Claire what she uses sex for and she screamed in frustration. Claire then said that I’m right, we shouldn’t have to be defined by whether or not we’ve had sex. She admitted that she doesn’t use it, period and she’s never even done it! All of us exchanged a silent look and I’ll admit that I couldn’t believe it! The Princess of Shermer High was a virgin? Tanya was the princess at my last school and she was far from a virgin as can be, though I’ve heard her admit that she hates having sex so I think she actually does use sex as a weapon. Allison finally admitted that she’s never done it either and she’s not a nymphomaniac, she’s a compulsive liar and she grinned again. Claire and I both got angry at Allison and called her a bitch! Claire added that she did that just to screw us over! Andrew said that we’re just pissed off that she got us to admit something we didn’t want to. Brian admitted that he hadn’t done anything either. I told Brian that it’s cool and there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. Brian said not to get him wrong, because he totally wants to do stuff, he just hasn’t exactly had a ton of opportunities. I told Brian to just give it time, it’ll happen. While silently thinking that I hope it will also happen for me one day. I didn’t say that out loud for fear that Bender and Allison will tease me again, the former volunteering himself. Bender told Brian that he’s sure there’s some nerdette out there just waiting to tickle his fancy.

I remarked that there are worse things in the world than being a virgin. Bender scoffed and asked me what I meant by that. I asked Bender if it’s better to be buried alive, but he said that my remark sounded a bit more personal like it was something that happened to a member of my family. I asked Bender what he could possibly know about my family that wasn’t in my sketch. Bender explained that, when Dick came over to tell them why I wouldn’t be in the library, he said that I came from bad stock but wouldn’t say what it was. I gave a frustrated sigh, of course Vernon would hold something like that against me. Bender asked me what it was and I told Bender that I’d make a deal, as soon as I die I’ll haunt him at night and tell him what it is. Bender remarked that he’s never fucked a ghost before and I’m giving this guy a look asking him how it was that he could find the perversion in everything. Bender shrugged and told me that it’s a gift. I rolled my eyes and said that I’m not sure if I’d call it a gift. Bender said that it must be one terrible secret I’m keeping if I’m that determined to keep it, even speculating that it might be in my diary! I told Bender that, if he reads it, he dies! Bender said that it’d be worth it and I responded that it wouldn’t because I didn’t write about the incident in there! Bender smirked and said that there’s no reason for me to not let him read it then! It’s bad enough being on the receiving end of Bender’s perversion now, imagine how much worse it will be if he found out what I wrote in there about him! I finally said that my half-brother, Ken’s, a registered sex offender, hushing everyone in the room, even Bender! I quickly explained that it’s not as bad as they think, the girl had a fake ID of 21 but it was still embarrassing and it broke up Ken’s first marriage, or one of his many engagements, I can’t remember.

Andrew just gave a shy look around the group. Then he asked us if we know what he did to get in detention. Andrew admitted that he taped some guy named Larry Lester’s buns together. Claire laughed while Brian asked if that was Andrew. Then he asked Brian if he knew how hairy this Larry guy was. Then Andrew explained that, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some skin too. I cringed at the mental image that gave me and Claire sounded just a horrified as I was. Andrew just shook his head as I asked him why he did it. He explained that he did it for his old man, torturing that poor kid because he wanted his dad to think he was cool. I asked Andrew what his friends thought and he said that they just laughed and cheered him on, like it was some high school movie where the nerdy hero gets tormented by the jerk jocks but, the way Andrew said that it was for his dad, I had to know what he meant. So I asked Andrew what was up with his dad and why he wanted him to hurt that poor kid. Andrew explained that his dad’s always going off about when he was in school and all the wild things he used to do. Andrew said that he always got the feeling that his dad was disappointed that he never cut loose on anyone. Then Andrew started getting really emotional and explained that he wailed on Larry because his father hates weakness and Andrew admitted that he hates his father and then started mimicking him! He did this imitation of his father as this asshole pressuring Andrew into being number one and how he won’t tolerate any losers in their family!

Andrew admitted that sometimes he wishes his knee would give and he couldn’t wrestle anymore so his dad would forget all about him. Bender clapped his hand on Andrews shoulder and suggested that their dads get together and go bowling. I remarked that my dad could join them, fuck with somebody’s else’s heads for a change. Then I started thinking about the high school movies the situation reminded me of, how we’re all supposed to sympathize with the skinny nerd while wishing the jerk jock would jump off of a cliff. We never stop to ask ourselves what made the jock a jerk in the first place, how they can be so mean to that poor nerd and how they manage to sleep at night.

I changed the subject by asking Bender what he did to get detention. He asked me which one I meant and I realized that I had to be more specific. So I told Bender that I’m talking about the one we’re having right now. Bender asked me if I remembered that fire alarm that we had on Friday. Brian asked Bender if that was him. Bender said that he thought that he’d try to start the weekend a little early and he didn’t think that those freshmen dweebs who saw him were going to narc. Bender joke that, maybe next time, he’ll just start a real fire. I snarked to him that I think that’s the lesson to be learned here. Though, honestly, I wonder if he wants to get Saturday detention so he doesn’t have to stay at his awful house.

Then I asked Claire what she did to get detention. She told me that she ditched class to go shopping. Andrew seemed disappointed and, honestly, I’m with him on that one. Though, in all reality, what I did to get detention isn’t exactly a hair raising story either, not like Andrew’s. His will be a tough one to top. Anyway, Claire said that she shouldn’t even be here. Bender snarked that the rules don’t apply to Queenie. Claire told Bender to shut up.

Next, I asked Allison what she did to get detention. It must be something awesome, enough to give Andrew’s story a run for his money! Allison admitted that she didn’t do anything, she just didn’t have anything better to do. Okay, I take that back but it did make everyone laugh. Allison accused us of laughing at her but I explained that we were laughing with her. At least, I tried to, but I burst out laughing mid-sentence and Allison ended up laughing with us.

Finally, I asked Brian what he did to get detention. No offense to Brian, but he seems too… rule abiding to be here. Maybe he got pressured into doing something he didn’t want to do? Turns out everyone else was wondering the same thing. Brian said that it’s because he’s stupid and he’s failing shop. He explained that they had this assignment to make this ceramic elephant lamp. Then said that, when you pull the trunk, the light was supposed to go on but his light didn’t go on. Brian admitted that he thought shop would be an easy way to maintain his grade point average. I remarked that I always saw Shop as an easy way to lose a limb. He said that he turned out to be wrong, because he got an F. Bender asked Brian why he thought it would be easy in the first place. Brian asked us if we’ve seen some of the dopes who take shop. Bender angrily said that he takes shop and, in all honesty, I don’t blame him for being angry right now. Bender then told Brian that he must be a fucking idiot. Brian asked if he was a fucking idiot because he can’t make a lamp. Bender remarked that he’s a genius because he can’t make a lamp. Brian asked Bender what he knew about Trigonometry and Bender said that he could care less about trigonometry. Brian said that, without trigonometry, there’d be no engineering. Bender responded by saying that, without lamps, there’d be no light. Claire said that neither one of them is any better than the other one. I added that Claire’s right, they both make good points. Then I told Brian that I still don’t get how he got detention. Brian hid his head in his arm and then explained that he got detention because Mr. Ryan found a gun in his locker!

Oh my God, he was either going to murder someone or commit suicide! I immediately dismissed the former and asked if he was going to hurt himself with that gun. Brian actually had to think about it and he was silent for a long time, confirming my worst fears as he started to shake and wipe the tears from his eyes! He said that he tried, you pull the freaking trunk and the light’s supposed to go on but it didn’t. Again, I asked Brian what the gun was for. Brian explained that he can’t have an F and he knows that his parents can’t have it! He said that, even if he aced the rest of the semester, he’s still only a B and everything’s ruined! I didn’t know what to think about this! Claire shared my horror as Brian bashed his arm against a chair! Brian said that he considered his options, but killing himself is not an option and Claire agreed with me! Brian said that he didn’t do it, but the thought that he nearly did! I asked Brian if it was a hand gun. Brian explained that it was a flare gun and it went off in his locker. Honestly, I felt relieved and I think Andrew felt the same way as he started laughing. Brian said that it wasn’t funny but we all laughed, probably thinking that it’s lucky that the gun went off in his locker before he had the chance to use it. Brian even agreed that it was funny and admitted that the fucking elephant was destroyed and he laughed along with us.

Now it was my turn as Brian asked me what happened at my last school. I told them that nothing could be as bad as having a sex offender for a brother, so it’s time to come clean. I admitted that I got kicked out because I spray painted something on the school wall. Brian asked me what it was and I said that it was a smiley face. Bender found it hard to believe that I got kicked out for a smiley face. I explained that it had the principal’s name underneath and a dick coming out of its mouth. Bender said that it’ll do it. I said that the principal totally deserved it. Then my face fell as I admitted that it’s what my so-called friends told me. Claire said that I thought I was a loner at my last school. I admitted that I was, but it wasn’t by choice and admitted that my sister, Tanya, was the princess at my high school and she went out of her way to make my life miserable. No one wanted anything to do with me so that they didn’t piss off Evil Queen Tanya. Then I explained that, finally, a group wanted to hang out with me who hated Tanya as much as I did. I said that I was so excited to belong that I did whatever they say, whether I was for it or against it I looked Bender in the eye and told him it was how I’ve tried tofu and soy beans. Then I bitterly told them that, when I got caught, they bailed on me and I had to face the Principal alone. Andrew asked me what she did to make me and my friends hate her so much, and I said that she took away our off-campus privileges just to be a bitch. I told them that it’s what happened and now this is my last chance because, if I screw up here, it’s off to Calvin Military Academy. I admitted that wasn’t even the worst part. Claire asked me what was the worst part. I said that my mom was driving me home after I got expelled. She screamed at me and I remembered what she said. I imitated my mom as I remembered what she said to me in the car, my eyes starting to water. “How the fuck could you do this, Jasmine? I’d expect something like this from Ken or Tanya, but you were supposed to be the white sheep! Do you have any idea how much shame you brought to our family? No, I don’t want to hear a fucking peep out of you! Your father’s always said you were a lost cause, your grandfather said I was too lenient with you and now I’m starting to think they’re both right! So here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to live with your grandfather, go to Shermer High and get your fucking life together or, so help me God, you’ll be at the Calvin Military Academy! No, you don’t talk to me and you don’t even look at me! I don’t want to see your face!” Bender remarked that it didn’t sound like my mom loved me all that much. I told Bender to shut up and he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about! Bender said that my mom didn’t even fucking listen to me and sent me to my grandpa the first chance she got! I said to Bender that my mom trusted me, believed in me and I let her down! I quietly adding that I fucking let her down. Then I told them that my asshole dad had to rub salt in my wounds. I imitated Dad with a loving voice and recalled every word he said to me, the tears falling out of my eyes. “Jasmine, I say this because I care about you. You might as well sign up for Calvin Military Academy right now because you will fuck up at Shermer High just like you fuck up in life.” I admitted that I still hear my dad right now, loud and clear and he’ll never fucking go away. Then I started saying that maybe Allison’s right, we do end up like our parents. Allison asked me what made me change my mind and I said that, before my mom met my dad, she had dreams, ambitions but then she fell in love with my dad and, everytime my mom wanted to pursue something greater, my dad would say the same thing to her that he says to me, “I say this because I love you, don’t try because you’ll fuck it up.” I said that, little by little, my mom got manipulated like that but she was so in love she couldn’t even see it. Now he’s fucking silenced her and he’s silencing me. Then I’ll end up married to some manipulate asshole just like him, getting my spirit crushed until there’s nothing left. Andrew and Brian both looked at me, as if they could understand what I was going through. I suppose they could, they both had manipulative parents that were controlling them and, in a way, the same thing was happening to them. Bender said that I should just fucking silence my asshole dad! I told Bender that it’s not that easy because, in case he forgot, my head is my dad’s summer home! Bender told me to just kick him out! I asked Bender if he knows what it’s like to have someone mess with your mind like a toy? Bender snapped at me and said that he’s only a punching bag, what a relief! I told Bender that I’m not saying my life is worse than his, I’m just saying that he has no idea what it’s like to have someone constantly fucking with your head to the point that you don’t know what’s real anymore! Bender said that he’ll tell me what’s fucking real, my asshole dad’s in Detroit and I’m in Shermer! I told Bender that my dad’s not the only one silencing me, there’s also the teachers who gave me Fs because they didn’t think Carrie was a real book or I gave answers to essay questions that they didn’t like! I said that I once got an F on Hamlet because I suggested that the king that died was the evil king instead of his brother! Bender asked me why I give a fuck what they think! I said that the hippie group gave me the illusion of freedom, but made me do everything they did and then bailed on me! Bender said that they’re fucking assholes! Then I pointed out that my grandpa plans on sending me to Military School if I fuck up at Shermer, which would destroy everything unique about me! Bender told me not to fuck up here! Finally, I pointed out that Vernon was doing the exact same thing, destroying each of our voices and leaving us as empty shells, pointing out that he’s even silencing Bender! Bender seemed taken back by what I said and I pointed out that he’s the one who told me we can’t go to the Principal about Vernon! Bender said that it hasn’t stopped him from showing Dick up and he thought that it didn’t stop me! Andrew told Bender to leave me alone, but I told Andrew that Bender’s right. If I don’t want to end up speechless like my mom, then I can’t let people run me down like this. I looked around at the rest of the group realizing that their situations might be different but we all had one thing in common, we were trapped. Claire with her rich narcissistic parents who used her as a pawn in their games. Allison with neglectful parents who didn’t care if she existed. Brian with parents who had standards so unreasonable that they’d drive the poor boy to suicide. Andrew with his stage dad using his son to relive his glory days. Then there was Bender, who was trapped worse than any of us with parents who criticized him and used him as a punching bag, Saturday detention being his only means of escape. Last but not least was me, ruled by a narcissistic asshole who manipulated his own family into becoming extensions of himself. I told the rest of the group with a newfound determination that none of us can.

3:15 pm and we’re all still lounging on the floor, counting the minutes until four. I asked if anyone had a weird skill. Allison said that she can write with her toes and she can also eat and brush her teeth with them as well as play Heart & Soul on the piano. Brian said that he can make spaghetti. I asked Andrew what he can do and he said that he can tape all of our buns together, something we all laughed at. Bender said that he wanted to see what Claire can do and she said that she can’t do anything. Bender told her that everyone can do something. Claire said that there’s one thing she can do, but we have to swear that we won’t laugh. Then remarked that she can’t believe she’s actually doing this. Claire took out a tube of lipstick and put it between her breasts, applying the lipstick from her cleavage. She lifted her head to show us that the lipstick was perfectly applied. Andrew asked Claire where she learned to do that and she said that it was in camp in the seventh grade. Claire turned to me and asked what I can do. I told them that I can stay up for twenty-four hours straight. Bender said that I must have some good shit. I said that the only drug I have in my house is caffeine.

Then Brian asked what’s going to happen to us on Monday. I asked Brian what he meant and he explained that, when we’re all together again, he considers us his friends. Then asked if he was wrong. Andrew said that he wasn’t, but Brian still asked what happens on Monday. Claire asked if Brian meant that we’ll all still be friends, which Brian confirmed. There was an awkward silence but I chose to be optimistic by saying that, after today, how could we not be friends? I said that’s usually how it works out in the movies. Then I asked if we can really go back to the way it was. Claire said that we could. I told Claire that I don’t think so! Andrew even called Claire out on her bitchiness! Claire defended herself by asking Andrew what he would do if Brian walked up to Andrew in the hall on Monday! Then finished for Andrew by saying that he would say hi and, when Brian left, Andrew would cut him up so his friends wouldn’t think that he really liked him! Andrew said that he wouldn’t do that! Allison asked Claire what she would do if she came up to her! Claire said that she’d do the exact same thing! I asked Claire if she would treat me just like Tanya did at my old school. Claire said that she wouldn’t go out of her way to single me out, but the principle would still be the same. Bender called her a bitch and I agreed with him! Claire asked why she was being a bitch, because she’s telling the truth? Bender told Claire that it’s because she knows how shitty that is to do to someone! Brian said that he wanted to tell each one of us that he wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t and he will not! Claire said that his friends wouldn’t mind because they look up to her! I got so fed up with Claire’s bullshit and stuck up for Brian by telling Claire that she’s a conceited bitch and asked why she’s so fucking full of herself!

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Claire claimed that she wasn’t saying that to be conceited and that she hates having to go along with everything her friends say! I told Claire that the whole reason I got expelled was because I went along with whatever my so-called friends said! Then I asked Claire why she would want to keep her fake friendships when she has real friends right now! Claire said that it’s the rules of cliques and I told her that the rules are wrong! Claire remarked that it was so easy for me to say because I just moved here and didn’t have an established clique!

3:33 pm and we’re all worn out from the day and watching the clock tick towards four. I asked Brian if he was going to write his paper. He said that he was and asked me why I asked him. I told Brian that it’s a waste for all of us to write our paper. Brian said that it’s what Vernon wants us to do. I admitted that Brian was right, but I think we’d all say the same thing. Brian accused me of not wanting to write my paper and I gave him a mischievous smile, admitting that my writing is more creative than academic. Then I told Brian that we trust him. Brian glanced at the rest of us who just gave him a nod of approval and he beamed with pride. Brian agreed to write the paper and I thanked him for it. Then Claire stared at me, as if she was sizing me up. I asked her what she was doing and Andrew explained that Claire’s in makeover mode. Claire said that she can work wonders with anybody’s look but she does her own styling. Claire bragged that she also came up with Andrew’s new hairstyle. Bender asked what it looked like before. Andrew told Bender to shut up. Allison told Andrew that she thinks his hair looks great, which Andrew thanked her for while Claire and I gave each other a knowing look. She still kept her focus on me and said that I’ve got a solid foundation but she has some great ideas on how to make me look even hotter than I already am. Then asked me if I wanted to upgrade my look.

The princess of Shermer High wants to give me a makeover? How could I say no? Claire was really excited and said that it would be so much fun! Then she told Allison that she’s coming too! Allison was a little confused, but Claire insisted that she join us! She grabbed Allison’s arm and the three of us headed off to the restroom! Claire applied eye makeup to Allison, telling her not to be afraid. Allison told Claire not to stick that in her eyes. Claire said that she’s not sticking it, then told Allison to close her eyes and demonstrated. Allison followed Claire’s lead and, after Claire was done, she admired her work and continued with the makeover. I told Allison that she looks great either way, but her new style is wow! Allison thanked me and said I was sweet but she still liked her old style better. Claire told Allison that Andrew doesn’t and we exchanged knowing glances. Allison asked what Andrew had to do with this and Claire told Allison not to play dumb because she’s seen the way she looks at him. It pained me to say it, but I asked Claire about the sexual tension between her and Bender and how you can cut it with a knife. Claire asked me what I was talking about and Allison teased Claire that she knows exactly what I’m talking about. Claire’s face turned bright red as she insisted that she can’t stand him and then asked if we think he likes her. It was Allison’s turn to exchange a knowing glance with me. Claire just said “What-ever,” and shifted her attention to me, saying that it’s my turn. She told me that the secret is not to go overboard and that less is more. Claire worked her makeover magic on me and I asked her where she got those awesome outfits! Claire told me that she found out where the drama department keeps their extra costumes. After changing clothes, I decided to show off my new look! Allison said that I look amazing! Claire said that it could be her most successful makeover ever! Then she said that we should do see what everyone else thinks.

3:50 pm and I feel great! I made a grand entrance and unveiled my new look to the rest of the group!

You wouldn’t believe this, but I made all of the guys’ jaws drop! Brian said that I look amazing. Andrew agreed with Brian. Even Bender, who said that he’s not really in the compliments business, said that I look smoking! I thanked them all and said that it was all Claire. Claire said that an artist can’t work her magic without a great subject. Then Allison made her entrance from the back room and Andrew looked stunned! It’s still Allison, but she’s no longer the dark, moody, closed-off girl. She seems light and, dare I say it, more open. Allison walked past Brian and the look of shock on his face earned a glare from her. Brian just changed his expression to a big grin, letting Allison know the makeover was a success. Allison smiled and silently mouthed the words “Thank you.” Andrew asked Allison what happened to her and she said that Claire did it. Then Allison asked Andrew what’s wrong, probably worried that he didn’t like her new look. Andrew told Allison that nothing’s wrong, it’s just that her new look’s so different. Andrew remarked that he can see Allison’s face. Allison asked if that was good or bad. Andrew just laughed and said that it’s good. Allison smiled at Andrew as their hands brushed together.

Over at the table, Brian tapped his pencil as if he were in deep thought. I asked him how it’s going and he said that he’s almost done, but there’s just one more thing. Brian told me that he came up with a description for each of us, kind of like the way Vernon sees us without really seeing us. Brian said that he’s the Brain, Andrew’s the Athlete, Allison’s the Basket Case, Claire’s the Princess, and Bender’s the Criminal. Brian then claimed that the only one he has left is me, so he thought that he’d let me decide what I wanted to be called. I thought about how Vernon saw me as this rebellious good for nothing troublemaker and I thought “why not give him what he wants?” So I told Brian to call me The Troublemaker and then remarked that it was too lame. I remembered Bender’s words from earlier when I told them about my dad and told Brian to call me The Rebel because I’m not going to let society, or the people around me, define who I am. Brian nodded with approval and went back to work. Then I remembered what my counselor said about finding opportunities all around me and I realized that I’ve been living one! Five high school stereo-types holed up in one room, each of us slowly revealing that we were more than our labels! I asked Brian if he could make a copy of that essay for me. Bender told me to get back to the classroom before Brian could ask why I wanted to see the essay. Bender explained that Vernon’s going to be coming for me soon. I reminded Bender that he needed to get back to his closet. Claire thanked me once again for saving all of them. Andrew said that they all owe me one. Allison agreed with Andrew. I told them that I’ll see them on Monday with the exception of Brian and said that I would explain the essay to him later. Bender asked me if I needed a boost back into the vent and I said that I did, thanking him for it. Bender and I headed back to the second floor and took one last look at the library before leaving. I said that it was a pretty good day, which Bender found weird. Bender helped me onto the bookshelf and, from there, I pulled myself back into the ceiling vent.

4:07 pm and I’m back into the empty classroom, waiting for the dragon to release me. He finally entered and asked if that was what I was wearing earlier. Yay, now’s my chance to gaslight him! I insisted that it was and Vernon said that he’s sure that I wasn’t. I told Vernon that I’ve been wearing this all day and said that he might want to take some vacation days because it sounds like he’s overworked. The dragon gave me a confused look and told me that I was free to go and that Brian wrote an essay for us. Then he said that he hoped I learned something today. I told Vernon that I learned a lot and he asked me what exactly I learned. I told Vernon that labels are for clothes, not people and that I won’t be silenced. I got up and walked past Vernon, free of him and his prison. I left Vernon standing alone with the essay while wondering if Brian managed to make a copy. As I headed down the hall, I saw the rest of the gang standing in front of the library. I asked them if they really waited for me. Claire said that of course they did. Andrew asked if I thought they were animals. Brian said that, technically, we are animals, but he did promise that he’d hand me a copy of the essay. Allison called Brian a nerd. Bender told Allison not to call him that, which Brian thanked him for, but Bender said that Brian’s a dork not a nerd and gave Brian a playful smirk. Andrew said that we should get out of here. I grabbed my copy of Brian’s essay and thanked him for this. Then told everyone that I’ve got to grab my stuff and I’ll see them later. I stepped into the library as the rest of the crew headed outside. I started packing up my stuff when I heard the sound of footsteps outside, causing me to look up. I was expecting Vernon but, thankfully, it was Bender. He told me not to get up on his account. I told Bender that I was just getting ready to leave. Bender told me not to rush and it’s not like I’ve been in this school all day. I asked Bender why he was here and joked if he missed me. Bender made a big show of shrugging and said that maybe he did and maybe he was hoping that we could see more of each other. I told Bender that I’d like that. Bender said that he figured I would, so that’s why he stopped in here, since he’s all about giving the people what they want. I told Bender that we have that in common and laughed. He took out a piece of paper and a pen and said that he wanted to give me his phone number! Then Bender told me not to worry about calling since his old man never answers the phone. He wrote his number on the paper and handed it to me! I felt my heart pounding like mad but calmed myself down long enough to give Bender my number, which he tucked into his wallet! Bender said it was cool and then asked me what Brian handed to me. I told Bender that it was a copy of the essay, nothing all that huge. Bender just shrugged and asked if I heard about Stubbie’s party tonight. I told him that I did and he said that he might be there, just to check it out and see if it’s as crazy as everyone claims! Then he said that maybe he’d see me there! Okay, did I just get asked out on a date, a real date? I thought Bender liked Claire! Anyway, I grabbed my belongings and left.

I walked down the steps in front of the school and caught sight of Claire and Bender sharing a kiss, causing a little pang in my heart but I knew I didn’t stand a chance against her. Though, for a moment, I locked eyes with Bender and I could’ve sworn I felt a connection. No, I got friend zoned again and I have to live with it. I turned away and saw Andrew and Allison kissing too, that actually bringing a smile to my face. I stood in the parking lot, waiting for my grandpa to pick me up and reflected on the day. I admit, it was definitely not what I expected. Though I couldn’t help but wonder if Stubbie’s party will be as crazy as they say. I knew that there was only one way to find out. I read the essay Brian wrote and thought about how this whole day could be a novel, or maybe a movie. One that actually challenged the stereo-types of high school rather than following them and this essay was the perfect ending. So it’s only natural that I put it in my diary.

Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is… A brain… and an athlete… a basket case… and a princess… a criminal… and a rebel. Does that answer your question?
Sincerely Yours,
The Breakfast Club

I saw Bender punch his fist up in the air and I smiled to myself, imagining the look on Vernon’s face when he reads this.

A/N: So ends the movie and, next chapter, we’re going into what happens after the movie.  Believe it or not, I was inspired by Speechless from the live-action Aladdin when I wrote some of this chapter.  I think of it as Jasmine Ross’s theme song, which is why I changed her name to Jasmine.

The Breakfast Club Episode 2 Recap

A/N: Here it is, the second chapter of my Breakfast Club recap.  Shout out to BloodRoseRed, who this recap is a gift for.  If you recognize it from The Breakfast Club, I don’t own it.

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Dear Diary,

Last time I wrote in here, I was holding Bender’s knife and Vernon was looking at me like he wanted to kill me. Now I’m back, I’ve still got the knife in my hand and Vernon’s still looking at me that way. He demanded that I give him the knife and ripped the switchblade right out of my hand, meaning I didn’t really have a choice. Then he told me that I may have just set the record for fastest expulsion in the history of the district unless I can come up with a reasonable explanation for why I’m standing there with a knife in my hand! I didn’t want to rat Bender out, but I couldn’t just stand there not saying anything! So I told Vernon that we found it in the library which, unsurprisingly, he didn’t believe. Then he asked me if I really thought he was stupid enough to believe that there was a switchblade lying around in the library. No, but I hoped he was. Guess I was praying for a miracle. Out loud, I told Vernon that it was the truth. Vernon asked me how I found it and I invented this story about how I know I wasn’t supposed to get up but my foot got a cramp and I had to walk it off. Then, as I was pacing down the aisles, I started thinking about the essay assignment and how I was going to complete it. I found the knife in one of the aisles sticking out of Moby’s Dick (yeah, I was really nervous).

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Brian, Andrew and Claire were trying to hold back their laughter while Bender just cracked a smile. Vernon angrily corrected me by saying that the book’s called Moby Dick. I finished my story by telling Vernon that I was just bringing it to him and that’s when he walked in. All the while my heart’s pounding like mad as I’m praying to a God that I’m not even sure exists that Vernon doesn’t expel me! I asked everyone else to verify my story and they all nodded. Vernon just narrowed his eyes and looked around, then he told me it was a nice try, but possession is nine-tenths of the law! He said that I was expelled and grabbed me by the collar, pulling me towards the library door and I went from agnostic to full-blown atheist! Thankfully, Bender spoke up and called Vernon Dick before correcting himself to call him Rich. Vernon stopped to face Bender, who asked Vernon if he was really dumb enough to believe that’s my knife. Vernon let go of me and told Bender that he just bought himself another Saturday. Bender told Vernon to eat his shorts, really pissing him off to no end. When Vernon asked Bender what he said, he repeated it slowly in a scene that had to be seen to be believed. Vernon told Bender that he bought himself one more Saturday detention! Bender just responded by telling Vernon that he’s free the Saturday after that but, beyond that, he’s going to have to check his calendar. Vernon said that was good because it was going to be filled. I felt really grateful to Bender for saving my ass and making me agnostic again and he shouldn’t have to suffer through so many Saturday detentions because of me, so I decided to take the heat off of him. I was about to speak, but Vernon told me to stay out of this. Again, I tried to speak but Vernon told me that I was walking a very thin line. Finally I told Vernon that the phone in his office is ringing. Vernon claimed that he didn’t hear anything. Claire said that she heard it too. I told Vernon that it was loud and clear and suggested that he get his hearing checked after detention’s over. He shot me a glare but was listening to the made up phone ringing and then started to head towards the door. Before leaving, he threatened Bender by saying that he’s his, which Bender responded to by saying that he’s thrilled. Vernon challenged Bender by saying that he’s sure that it’s exactly what Bender wants us to believe. Then he told Bender that he ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with himself and a little less time trying to impress people! Vernon finished by telling Bender that he might be better off. Then Vernon finally walked out of the library and let the door slam shut behind him. Bender screamed “FUCK YOU!!!” at Vernon through the door. All I could do was stand there, thinking about how I was nearly expelled and Bender saved me! Brian asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and told him that I just faced the dragon and lived to tell the tale!

It’s 11:59 am and I’m bored, the exhilaration from the knife incident wore off big time. Now we’re all just hanging around the tables, staring into various points in space until the alarm on Brian’s watch went off. Brian told us that it meant that it was time for lunch. Not a moment too soon, I am starved. Everyone settled into their seats as Claire pulled out sushi (seriously, ewww!), Andrew pulled out a grocery bag with a lunch big enough to feed a small country, Allison took the meat out of her sandwich and poured sugar from her pixie sticks on the bread as well as Captain Crunch (original, but double ewwww!), Brian just pulled out a regular lunch bag and Bender had nothing! I, once again, sat with Bender. I thanked him for owning up about the knife, telling him that it was a cool thing he did. Bender said that it was his knife and then thanked me for trying to take the heat off of him. Bender told me that he knows that Vernon’s phone wasn’t ringing. I told him it wasn’t a problem, but I think I might have made Vernon worry that he’s going deaf. Bender said that would suck, because he wouldn’t be able to piss off Dick, if he couldn’t hear him which made me smile. I told Bender not to worry because, even if Dick was going deaf, Bender would find a new way to piss him off.

Then Bender sat down and checked out Brian’s lunch bag. Bender asked Brian what they were having and I really hope that doesn’t mean he’s about to steal Brian’s lunch! Brian said that it’s just your standard regular lunch and asked Bender where his lunch was. Bender admitted that he didn’t have one. I asked Bender if he didn’t bring his lunch to which he said no. Then he started inspecting the contents of Brian’s lunch bag, soup, a peanut better and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off and apple juice! He told Brian that it’s a very nutritious lunch with all of the food groups represented! Then he asked Brian if his mom married Mr. Rogers! Brian cluelessly answered that she married Mr. Johnson. Then Bender did this unfair impression of what Brian’s family must be like, pretending to be Brian’s dad calling for his son! Then he switched to Brian saying, “yeah, Dad?” giving him exaggerated dimples! Then Bender switched to Brian’s dad asking Brian how his day is and calling him “Pal!” He switched back to Brian and said, “Great, dad!” then had Brian ask his dad how his day went! Bender went back to imitating Brian’s dad saying that it was “super,” and then asking Brian how he’d like to go fishing this weekend! Then Bender went back to imitating Brian telling his dad that it would be great, but he’s got homework to do! Bender switched back to Brian’s dad, saying that it was all right and he can do it on the boat! Then Bender switched back to Brian going “Gee!” Bender imitated Brian’s father talking to his mother asking if their son was swell and then calling her dear! Then Bender finished this skit off by imitating Brian’s mother telling his father that Brian is and then asking if life is swell! Then he imitated them both kissing each other and punched the air! It was like Brian’s family was a modern day version of the Cleavers! Though, if you ask my mom, Ward Cleaver was beating his family behind the scenes. Still, it didn’t make what Bender did less disgusting and what made it worse was that Brian looked like he wanted to cry! How can Bender be so cool one minute and act like a complete asshole the next?

I finally asked Bender what his home life is like to put a stop to this. Andrew joined me by asking Bender what it’s like at his house. Bender said that it’s real easy. Then he did this impression of his father calling him a stupid, worthless, no good, goddamned freeloadin’ son of a bitch, big mouth, know it all, asshole jerk! He switched to an impression of his mother telling his father that he forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful! Then he switched back to his father slapping his mother and telling her to shut up, bitch and to go fix him a turkey pot pie! Bender shifted back and forth between playing himself and his father. Bender asked his dad “What about you?” and his dad responded with “Fuck you…” Then, as himself, asked his dad again, “What about you?” His dad once again responds with “Fuck you!” Then he more passionately asked, “No, Dad, What about YOU?!” getting another “FUCK YOU!!!” Then Bender mimicked his father beating him! It made me and everyone else feel uncomfortable as all we could do was stare in silence! I asked Bender if that was for real. Bender asked me if I wanted to come over sometime. Andrew accused Bender of spouting bullshit, saying that it was all part of his image and he doesn’t believe a word of it!

I told Andrew that I think Bender’s being honest! It would explain why he pretty much lives in Saturday detention. Andrew still didn’t buy it, to which Bender challenged by pulling up his sleeve to show us a circular shaped burn! Then Bender asked Andrew if he believed this and explained that the burn’s about the size of a cigar and made Andrew look at it up close! Bender said that it’s what you get in his house when you spill paint in the garage! I couldn’t believe it! I’ve heard stories about screwed up families, but hearing about this still sent me into shock!

Bender noticed how upset I was and then asked if it was too much for Little Miss Perfect to handle! I told Bender that my family’s not as bad as his, but they are far from perfect! Then he did an impression of my family with me skipping inside my house and proudly proclaiming that I’m home! He switched to an impression of my mom, or what he thinks is my mom, saying welcome back sweetie and how it’s oh so wonderful to have me home! Then he switched back to me and said that it’s oh so wonderful to be home and then mimic giving my mom a paper and then said, “guess what, Mommy? Another A!” He switched back to my mom, who gave a smile that made her look like a Stepford Wife and said, “I’m so proud of you!” Then he switched into what he thought was my dad coming home from work and saying, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite daughter?” He switched back to me and said, “But Daddy, I’m your only daughter!” Then he switched back to my dad and said that it makes me his favorite one and told me that he had a surprise for me! He switched back to me and gave an imitation of a girlish squeal and repeatedly asking what my present is. Then he switched back to my dad who presented me with an imaginary book saying that it’s my own personal diary! He finished the skit by changing back to me and jumping up and down like a five year old on a sugar high and saying that I love my new gift and I’m going to write in this as soon as I finish my homework! I burst into this crazy “I’m going to kill you” laughter, earning me a stare from everyone in the room, including Bender. Then I asked Bender if that’s seriously what he thinks my family is like. Bender challenged me to prove him wrong, which I did.

I did an imitation of Dad shouting at Mom about how I could get another F and then switched to Mom shouting at Dad that, this time it wasn’t my fault and explained that the teacher gave me an F because she said Carrie wasn’t real literature. Then I went back to Dad mocking Mom for actually believing me, claiming that it’s because, once again, I was off in la-la-land while the teacher was giving instructions. I turned into myself trying to watch TV until I insisted that the teacher said we could pick any book we wanted. I went back to Dad scoffing at me and saying that, once again, I daydreamed in class and didn’t pay attention and insisting that there’s something wrong with me and then switching the channel. I went back to me telling Dad that I was watching that and then back to Dad who said that it’s the same episode of Cheers that I’ve seen a million times. I went back to Mom saying that I was at the TV first. Then I imitated Dad giving the remote back to me and saying that I can have whatever I want, like I always do, and how he has no control in his own house. I went back to Mom who sighed and told me to let Dad watch TV. I went back to Dad telling Mom that Tanya’s going to be staying over for the weekend and Ken’s going through another divorce, so he’s moving in tonight. I switched back to Mom, yelling at Dad for springing this on her without even asking. Then I went back to Dad, acting all hurt and accusing by telling Mom that she thought she would say yes to his kids visiting, but she seems set on being an evil stepmother. I switched to Mom acting all guilty and apologizing, then asking how she’s going to switch everything around on short notice. I went back to Dad, telling me that Tanya’s sleeping in my room and I get the couch. I switched back to me, asking Dad if he’s fucking serious. I went back to Mom, suggesting that Tanya sleep on the couch. Then I went back to Dad, asking Mom if she’s seriously going to let his daughter sleep on the couch. I went back to Mom, reminding Dad that I’m his daughter too, even if he does forget that. Then I switched to Dad, once again, accusing Mom of being an evil stepmother who values me more than his children. I switched to Mom apologizing to Dad and then saying that I’m sleeping on the couch. Then I went back to me trying to protest and then turned into Mom telling me not to be selfish and then Dad giving me an accusing look.  I ended the skit with me caving in.

Brian said that my teacher did have a point, Carrie isn’t real literature. I told Brian that, back in ye olde days, people were probably saying the same thing about Shakespeare. Bender turned to Andrew and asked if he believed my story, to which Andrew admitted that he did. This just made Bender angrier as he went to the book-covered table in the back and threw all the books onto the floor in a rage. Then he said that he was done sitting here with us fucking dildos. He jumped onto the table and grabbed the railing on the stairs to the second floor and then pulled himself up and took a seat on the stairs facing away from the rest of us. He looked like he wanted to cry! Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so angry with Bender for implying that my life was perfect I just wanted to show him differently. Besides, it’s not like I said that I didn’t believe him, unlike Andrew. Claire told Andrew that he shouldn’t have done that, to which Andrew replied that Bender lies about everything else, so why wouldn’t he lie about this. I asked Andrew if it was really that hard to believe that Bender’s home life was like that, to which Andrew had no response. I went to go share my lunch with Bender and he looked up at me as I took a seat next to him. Bender demanded to know what I wanted. I just told him that I hate eating alone and asked if he was hungry.

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Bender told me that he doesn’t take charity, so I told him to consider it more of a thank you for helping me with Vernon earlier. Bender pointed out that I didn’t rat him out, so we’re even. I told Bender that I’d take it as Bender-speak for “thanks for covering for me with the knife.” Then I argued that he’s the one who best knows how to handle Vernon and he needs to keep his strength up. Finally, Bender caved in and said that, if it would shut me up, he’ll take half of my fucking lunch. I considered it a victory and let Bender have half of my turkey sandwich and chips. He immediately took a bite out of my sandwich and was surprised that there was no mayo. I explained that my grandpa made it and he doesn’t really believe in condiments. Bender said that condiments aren’t like God, you don’t really have a choice to believe in them or not. I explained to Bender that my grandpa thinks condiments are a luxury. I joked that it could be worse, it could be tofu burgers and soy beans. Bender asked me if I seriously ate that hippie crap and I told him that it was a long story. Bender still gave me a look and I promised him that I’d tell him later.  Then I asked Bender why he didn’t bring his lunch. Bender told me that he was out of cash. Then said that he’d rather spend his money on other things. I asked Bender what he’d spend his money on over the basic necessities of life. Bender answered that he’d spend it on extracurricular activities. I joked if he meant the Physics Club, which made Bender laughed as he quickly said no. Then I asked Bender what he was talking about and he explained that he meant sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. I smiled and said that I really shouldn’t be that surprised. Bender asked me if I expected anything else from the walking bad boy cliche who can’t read words that are more than two syllables. I felt guilty for that false diary reading I did earlier and told Bender that, for what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s a total cliche and I’m sure he can read words that are more than two syllables. Bender admitted that he thought my diary was a gift from my dad, so we were both wrong. I told Bender that it’s actually from my counselor, I said to him that I wanted to be a writer and he gave me a journal, telling me to record everything I see because it might make a worthwhile story. Bender remarked that I’m a dweeb. I admitted that I pretty much was.  Then he said that I look pretty hot for a dweeb and I had to turn around so that he didn’t see me blush.  I even joked that, maybe one day, I’ll publish books that will be destroyed by him. Bender told me that, if they become movies, he’ll sneak in and see them, like he does for that Stephen King guy I mentioned. I asked him if he was talking about Carrie. Bender told me that he also saw the one with Jack Nicholson chopping the door up and shouting, “Here’s Johnny!” I chuckled and asked if he meant The Shining and that I guess there is some literature he likes, even if he never read the books. He told me that they’ve got people going psycho and killing everyone, so what’s not to like? I told Bender that I can’t argue with that. Then Bender asked me what I was into other than writing and horror movies. I told Bender that I like music. He asked me what kind and I admitted that I like any kind of music I can dance to, but my favorite is rock like Joan Jett, Simple Minds, Bon Jovi. Bender thought that was awesome and I suggested that we could check out a show sometime. Bender gave a suggestive maybe and then asked me what made me come over here. I told him the truth, that hearing that story really got to me. Bender said that my family wasn’t exactly the Bradies, something I actually agreed to. Then Bender added that at least my mom gives a shit about me. Which I muttered sadly that she does, remembering my last conversation with her that didn’t exactly end well. Bender asked me why my mom puts up with my dad’s bullshit. I said that my dad has a way of getting into your head and added that mine and my mom’s heads are my dad’s summer home. Then I asked Bender why parents like his would even have a kid and quickly added that I didn’t mean that he shouldn’t exist. Bender said that his dad got his mom knocked up in a crack house, causing me to cringe. Call me crazy, but it’s actually quite nice eating with Bender and talking like civilized people. It’s almost like a date. Hey it’s the first time I’ve ever shared lunch with a cute guy and we’re talking to each other, so I’m calling this a date in the loosest definition of the word. Then he said that I can actually be fun to hang out with, when I’m not acting like an uptight bitch. I told Bender that he can actually be good company himself, when he’s not acting like a perverted asshole. He remarked that this perverted asshole feels my hand on his! I quickly removed my hand and blushed, apologizing and explaining that I didn’t realize it was there. He just asked me if I wanted to touch his dick next! I rolled my eyes and said to Bender that the perverted asshole’s back. He responded by saying that so’s the uptight bitch and I turned around so that he wouldn’t see me blush.

12:50 pm and Bender slid out of his chair and jumped to his feet, suggesting that we blow this pop stand. Brian told Bender that Mr. Vernon said we should stay in our seats. Bender said that he needs to stretch his legs and then marched over to the door. Claire asked Bender where he was going to go. Bender casually said that there’s something he wants to get. Andrew asked what it was, but Bender said that it was a surprise. I asked Bender if it was a “yay, I feel so good to be a part of this” kind of surprise, or a “I can’t believe this is happening to me” kind of surprise? Bender said that, if he told us, it would ruin the surprise. Somehow, that does not ease my nerves. Then he asked me if I was up for a field trip and called me, hotshot. I’ll admit, I was curious about what this surprise was, so I said that I could use a walk and told Bender to lead the way. Claire asked if I was serious and I asked her if she was bored. Bender said “That’s the spirit!” and then asked if the rest of us are paying attention. Allison went to Bender’s side and then Claire joined us reluctantly. Andrew shook his head, but he succumbed to peer pressure. Bender just cracked a smile and turned to Brian. Bender called Brian Wonder Worm and asked him if he was ready to blossom into a butterfly. Brian clarified that it’s actually caterpillars that turn into butterflies. Bender just called Brian Captain Caterpillar and asked if he was ready to grow some balls. I told Brian that, if he doesn’t want to come with us, he doesn’t have to and said that no one would judge him. Bender said that he would judge Brian and I explained that I wouldn’t judge him. Brian said that he’ll go and got up, ready to join us. Bender flipped up his collar and checked the hall to see if the coast was clear. Then he told us that Vernon’s gone, gave us the all-clear and disappeared out of sight. The rest of us followed him as he strutted down the empty hallway. Claire asked Bender how he knew where Vernon went. Bender admitted that he didn’t. Claire asked Bender how he knows when Vernon will be back. Bender admitted that he didn’t and said that being bad feels pretty good, huh? I admitted that you can’t say Bender doesn’t keep things interesting, which unnerved and intrigued Claire at the same time. Brian asked where we were going, which Andrew answered with “Beats me.” Brian said that this was stupid and asked why we were risking getting caught. Andrew admitted that he didn’t know. Brian asked what we were doing. Andrew told Brian that if he asks one more question he’s beating the shit out of him. Brian then turned to me and asked if I was worried about what Vernon would do if he catches us. I told Brian to think of it as a video game with Vernon being the final boss. Brian asked if we can defeat Vernon in a way that wouldn’t involve him getting a suspension on his record. I explained that, if we play by Vernon’s rules, he wins. Brian said that, if he got a suspension, he’d lose. Then said a sad goodbye to Yale and a sad hello to community college. I told Brian that, if Vernon catches us, I’ll tell him we took Brian against his will. Brian happily asked if I would do that, which I said that I would and I will. Brian’s going to be a famous scientist making all kinds of breakthroughs that can change the world, but I’m just going to be a writer. You can go to community college for that. Come to think of it, you don’t really need college to be a writer… or high school. So why do my parents and grandpa insist that I get a diploma? Bender distracted me from my thoughts by holding up his fist, signaling us to halt in front of a row of lockers. He sarcastically asked us if we wanted to guess which one was his. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the one that had “Open this locker and you die” graffitied in marker with an actual noose hanging from the top and then sarcastically told Bender that he could’ve made it a bit more difficult. Bender said that he wouldn’t want to hurt my brain and I told Bender to just open the locker because I want to know what I’m risking suspension for. Bender told me not to kill the suspense and acted like a game show host by saying “Ding ding ding. We have a winner folks.”

He said that he’d show us what we’ve won and opened his locker. You wouldn’t believe this, but an actual guillotine came slicing down and chopped one of Bender’s gym sneakers in half! He rifled around through piles of moldy food and stinky clothes, making me cringe. I asked Bender if his maid was on vacation. Bender said that he’d just rather spend his money on this and grabbed a paper bag, pulled out an even smaller paper bag inside which had an even smaller paper bag. It was like I was watching one of those dolls that, when you open the top half, there’s something smaller and smaller and it just goes on and on until it gets to the smallest one. What are those dolls called? Anyway, inside the last paper bag was a small plastic bag which Bender shoved into his pocket and I have a strong suspicion of what’s inside! Claire asked if that’s what she thinks it is. Andrew told Bender to put it back. Brian said that we should forget detention, because we’re going straight to juvie. Then Brian turned to me and was really shocked to see that I was smiling. He asked me if I really approve of this. I said that I’m always down for some extracurricular activities, remembering my conversation with Bender from earlier.

I heard some footsteps nearby and guessed that it was Vernon, saying that we really need to go. Andrew told Bender to put his dope back but Bender said that it was too late. Bender slammed the locker shut and walked away with the rest of us following. Just as we turned the corner, there was Vernon heading back towards the library! We quickly changed direction and ran the other way. Bender told us that we have to go through the cafeteria. Andrew said that we should go through the Activities Hall. Bender told Andrew that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Andrew countered by saying that Bender didn’t know what HE was talking about as Allison squealed. I told them that, if they want to thump their chests, they can do it some other time! Right now, we have a dragon on the loose who’s going to scorch us alive if he catches us! Andrew and Bender looked to me and the latter dared me to tell us where to go. I said that we should go with Bender because he practically lives here on Saturday. Andrew said that we’re through listening to Bender and that we’re going through the Activities Hall. Andrew ran down the hall and everyone, except me and Bender, followed him. I told Bender that we either live together, or die alone. We ended up following the rest of the group rushing down this huge flight of stairs and down a long hall. We turned a corner and ran right into a gated corridor. So now we’re trapped and Vernon will win. Bender slammed the bars with his fist. I only pointed out that we should’ve listened to Bender. Brian panicked by saying that we’re dead. Bender said that we’re not all dead, just him. Then he ordered us to get back to the library and stuffed his dope in Brian’s underwear. I told Bender that, if he gets caught, he’s going to get expelled. Bender told me that, as Sporto said, if he disappeared forever, it wouldn’t make any difference, and someone’s going to have to take the heat for this, or we all will. Andrew sarcastically asked if Bender was going to try and be a hero. I said that I kind of like it, the bad boy with a heart of gold sacrificing himself to save people he’s actually starting to care about. Bender said that he’d love it if one of us dipsticks stepped up to the plate, might make him actually respect us for once. I told Bender that I’d do it. I said to Bender that he’s already in enough trouble as it is. Bender looked at me like I’d grown a second head and said that he guessed he owed me one now. I told Bender that I’ll handle Vernon and that he needed to go. He was about to leave with the rest of them but looked back at me and said that it was my last chance to back out. I responded by saying that I’m not taking it and told Bender to go! He finally left with the rest of the group.

I danced down the hallway, banging into the open locker doors and singing “Bad Reputation” at the top of my lungs in an imaginary microphone. I did this for only a few more minutes until Vernon finally took the bait. I always read about this part in stories, but I never thought I would actually live it! I’m definitely using this as writing experience, might even thank Bender in the acknowledgments, even though he’d never read. He’d probably just rip the pages up, but he did say that he’d see the movie version. Anyway, Vernon spotted me in the hallway and shouted, “Ross!!!” Then he demanded to know what the hell I thought I was doing. I told him that I was practicing for my future rock star debut and asked him if it was too much. He snagged me by the collar and dragged me into an empty classroom! Then he pushed me into one of the desks and ordered me to take a seat! I fell into a chair and braced myself for Vernon’s wrath, knowing it couldn’t be anywhere near as bad as when I got caught with the knife. Then Vernon acted like an old man as he said that he didn’t understand us kids today. I told Vernon that maybe he should’ve chosen a different career. That really pissed the dragon off as he leaned in close and thrusted a finger in my face. Vernon told me that, if I don’t change course, I’m going to end up just like John Bender, a waste of space! I am so sick of this asshole making assumptions about everyone! I told Vernon that Bender’s got a rough life and he’s just trying to figure things out!

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Vernon asked me if that’s what he’s got me believing. I told Vernon that it’s the truth but it’s not like he gives a fuck! Then I added that, even if Bender did turn over a new leaf, he’d be saying that it wouldn’t be long until he’s back to his old ways! Vernon said that this isn’t about Bender, this is about me! What the fuck does this asshole know about me? Then he told me to take some time to think about that essay I’m supposed to write! As Vernon was leaving I told him that I had two ideas for the essay, one that says I’m a delinquent with no hope of redemption whatsoever and Shermer High was wasting it’s time on me and another that says I’m a dutiful student who smiles and does whatever she’s told, never questioning the great Vernon. He turned around and glared at me as I said that maybe I’d combine the two, talk about what a worthless delinquent I was at my old school until he straightened me out with a Saturday detention and harsh punishment. Vernon, once again, leaned in close with a look that said he wanted to punch my lights out. I told Vernon not to worry, I won’t write anything about how his “harsh punishments” are borderline torture. Vernon demanded to know if the essay was a joke to me. I innocently explained to Vernon that I just wanted to know what he wanted me to write. Vernon harshly told me that what he wants is for me to take my essay seriously and not treat it like a joke like I have with some of my essays in the past. Then he marched through the doorway and pulled the door closed behind him, locking it and keeping me prisoner, yet I couldn’t help but smile. Vernon may have me locked in Shermer High’s version of solitary confinement, but I won this round.

1:40 pm and I’m alone in an empty classroom trying not to let my mind wander and failing big time. I tried to at least picture myself on the Enterprise serving Captain Kirk, as part of the Rebel Alliance fighting alongside Luke Skywalker, or even a customer at Cheers chatting about my awful day with Sam Malone. Unfortunately, I kept picturing my last meeting with Mom after I got expelled, how she screamed at me and how she told me that maybe Dad’s right, I am a lost cause. Then I heard a door shut nearby and put my ear up to a wall hearing Vernon tell Bender that it’s the last time he ever makes him look bad. Right, because you really needed Bender’s help for that. Then asked Bender if he thought that Vernon couldn’t figure out that he put me up to my little rock show. Vernon kept picking on Bender by telling him that he makes $31,000 a year and he’s got a home and he’s not about to throw it away on some punk like him but someday, when he’s out of here and he’s forgotten all about this place and they’ve forgotten all about him and he’s wrapped up in his own pathetic life, Vernon’s going to be there and he’s going to kick the living shit out of Bender and knock his dick in the dirt! Bender just calmly asked if Vernon was threatening him and, maybe it was my imagination, but he sounded a little scared! Vernon asked Bender what he’s going to do about it, almost taunting him and then asked if anyone would believe him, if anyone would take Bender’s word over Vernon’s! Vernon said that he’s a man of respect around here and they love him while Bender’s a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it! Then I heard something click and Vernon shouting at Bender to get on his feet and show him just how tough he really is, even offering to give Bender the first punch! I couldn’t take it anymore! I just shouted through the wall at Vernon to leave Bender alone! Vernon just remarked that now Bender’s got the expelled delinquent for a witness! Bender told me to stay out of this! Vernon then made it clear to me that no one’s going to believe me either and he’s right. Grandpa’s not going to take my word over that asshole’s. The only one who’d believe me is Mom, even if we did have a bad falling out, and she’s back in Detroit. Why did she have to send me away? Why couldn’t she have divorced Dad and come here? Bender then told Vernon to leave me alone! Vernon asked Bender what he’s going to do about it and then demanded that Bender hit him! I shouted at Bender not to, telling him that Vernon’s not worth it! I felt the tears roll down my eyes as I heard Vernon say that it’s what he thought and called Bender a gutless turd! Then Vernon shouted at me that he hoped I heard that because, if I don’t straighten out, it’s going to be me in there! I expected some sarcastic remark from Bender but, instead, there was silence. I remembered how sad and vulnerable Bender was when Andrew said that he didn’t believe his story and to think that Bender’s alone with no one to comfort him! Bender didn’t even have anyone to comfort him at home, or even a small memory of someone who loved him! All I could do was go back to my desk and cry in my arms with only one thought in my head, Vernon won.

I buried my head in my arms, continuing to bawl while wishing Mom was here or that I was back home and this was all just one bad dream. Then I found myself startled by a noise that came from the ceiling. Guess who it was, Bender coming to my rescue! I saw his head dangling down from an open square in the ceiling tiles! He casually asked, “Mind if I drop in?” I smiled at Bender and asked if he was okay. Bender told me that it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Then he climbed down from the ceiling vent and took a seat next to me. I asked Bender what he was doing here. Bender said that he owed me one, like he told me earlier, and this is my payback. I turned to face Bender and he noticed that my eyes were red. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that it’s nothing, just pissed that the asshole gets to keep his job. Bender said that there’s really nothing we can do about that and, as much as he hated to admit it, Dick’s right, no one’s going to take our word over his. I angrily asked Bender if that meant that Vernon’s just going to keep doing fucked up shit and getting away with it! Bender responded by mocking me and saying that we’re in a Disney movie where the good guys always win and the bad guys always lose! I told Bender that I’m not some naive child and I’m well-aware that, in real life, the bad guy wins but he’s just the Vice Principal! I pointed out that the Principal can’t be letting him get away with this! Bender scoffed and said that the Principal’s a lazy fuck who gives Vernon most of the heavy lifting. He told me that, even if he did believe us which, according to Bender, was a big if, he won’t do a fucking thing and Dick will be ten times worse. I bitterly remarked that we just stay silent and, from the tone of my voice, Bender must have figured out that I had quite a bit of experience with that. Then Bender told me that I wasn’t silent when I was talking to Vernon earlier. I told Bender that I was just being honest. He remarked that I was also committing academic suicide. I acted nonchalant about the whole thing and said “What can I say?” Bender said that, as much as he’d love to stay and chat, we should probably get this show on the road. I asked Bender if we have to leave through the vents. Bender sarcastically responded by saying that we’re leaving through the locked door. Then said that of course he meant the vents, they lead straight back to the library. Bender told me that we need to get the hell out of here, which you don’t have to tell me twice. I crawled through the vent and slowly inched forward as Bender led the way. It was a little dark and cramped in the vents and I swear I heard a few creaking noises. Not to mention that I’m right behind Bender and getting a great view of his ass. Dear God, did I really think that? One thing’s for sure, if Bender reads this diary, I’ll die. I asked Bender if he really thinks this is going to hold our weight. Bender told me to relax and just keep moving. So, I continued following Bender through the vent and he started telling a joke to ease the tension about a naked blonde walking into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. Bender said that the blonde lays the poodle on the table and the bartender says, “I suppose you won’t be needing a drink,” the naked lady says… What the naked lady said, I never found out as the bottom of the vent broke right under us! We fell through the ceiling and landed on the top floor of the library while everyone else just stared at us with their mouths agape like we were animals at a zoo. Bender and I walked down the stairs and dusted ourselves off. It’s just our luck that it was the same moment Vernon busted the door open and ran into the library. I saw Bender head for Andrew and Claire’s table and followed him. I heard Vernon demanding to know what in God’s name was going on in here and what that ruckus was! I wish I wasn’t hiding from Vernon, because I’d really love to gaslight him right now. Unfortunately, Bender and I had to stay quiet under Claire and Andrew’s table while everyone else pretended like they didn’t even know what Vernon was talking about. Andrew asked Vernon “What ruckus?” Vernon said that he was just in his office and he heard a ruckus as Bender tried to look up Claire’s skirt. Brian asked Vernon if he could describe the ruckus. Vernon told Brian to watch his tongue as I was crouching nervously under the table pushing Bender away from Claire. I inhaled a puff of dust and started to choke! Thankfully, Claire started coughing to cover it up. Then she asked Vernon if that was the noise he was talking about. Vernon said that it wasn’t and that he might not have caught us in the act this time, but we can bet that he will. Yeah, good luck with that. Allison started giggling and Vernon told her to mark his words, he will not be made a fool of. Too late, Vernon. Then he finally left and Bender and I got out from under the tables as the others laughed at who knows what while Bender glared at me, saying that I didn’t have to spoil his fun. I told Bender that I wasn’t about to let him look up Claire’s skirt. Claire thanked me for keeping the pervert away from her while Bender smirked at me and accused me of being jealous to which I sarcastically responded that it’s been my life long dream to have John Bender stick his head between my legs. He told me to say the word and he’ll make it a reality. Again, there goes my stupid heart pounding but I’m better at covering up my blushes. Still, I can’t help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Finally, the other students looked at us, no doubt waiting for an explanation. I decided to be cool about this as I leaned against a bookshelf, catching my breath. Okay, the last part wasn’t exactly cool but I covered it up by saying “Come on… you know I couldn’t leave you guys.” Claire told me that what I did was really cool. I asked her what was cool and she said that it was how I sacrificed myself for the rest of them. Brian said that he wouldn’t have had the nerve to do that and that my legend continues to grow. Andrew agreed by saying that I really helped them out, but I’m also kind of crazy. Allison said that crazy is just a higher level of consciousness. All I could say was… your welcome. Bender headed over to Brian and stuck out his hand saying, “So, Ahab… Kybo mein doobage?” Brian was a little confused, as was I, but then he explained that he was talking about the package in Brian’s underpants. Brian dug around his pants and handed the plastic bag to Bender. Andrew told Bender that he’s not doing that in here. Bender said that we should put it to a vote. Then he asked me if I felt like taking a “study break.”

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Let me tell you a secret, I’ve always wanted to try dope and, now that I’ve finally got a chance, I’m taking it. I told Bender that I am a creative type, so it’s only natural that I smoke some pot. I added that I didn’t take the risk not to reap the rewards. Bender said that now I was talking and started toward the back of the library. I followed after him, Claire got up to join us, then Brian, Andrew gave into peer pressure once again and only Allison stayed behind.

2:05 pm and I am so fucking high right now. The whole room’s surrounded by a think haze, kind of like a smoke machine at a rock concert. Except, instead of singing to a cheering crowd, we’re chilling on the couches in the back of the library. Brian’s wearing sunglasses and he looks like a detective from one of those procedural cop shows. He said, “You’re crazy, man. Crazy,” and fell back into a giggling fit. Claire kept rambling about how popular she is and how everybody loves her, which Bender laughed along to. He’s so chill when he’s not acting like a total douchebag. Claire asked me what I was like back at my old high school. I told her that I kept to myself, mostly, like a lone wolf. Claire said that she didn’t get it, because the whole point of school is to make friends. Brian said that the whole point of school is to get into college so you can get into graduate school so you can get a good career. Then Bender chimed in by saying that you spend the rest of your life behind a desk until you’re old and grey. Which he said a quick “No, thanks,” to. I said that they were both wrong. I explained that the whole point of school was to suck out everything unique about you so you can be a mindless robot just like everyone else. Bender said that it’s what he meant by spending life behind a desk. Then I looked around and noticed that Andrew wasn’t here. I asked where the pretty boy jock went and I think I saw a jealous look in Bender’s eyes. I was about to comment on that when a rock song blasted from a smaller room inside the library! The door whipped open and there was Andrew emerging through a wall of smoke like a rock star! I said, “speak of the Sporto,” as Andrew unzipped his sweatshirt and pumped his fist to the music! He took off running through the library, dancing at a million miles an hour! Then he executed a series of acrobatic moves like cartwheels and… other stuff over the bookshelves! I jumped out of my chair and screamed “Wooooo! You’re a regular Mary Lou Retton!” Andrew jumped on a bench, pulled off his sweatshirt, and beat his chest while the rest of us hooted and hollered!

Now if he could only take his top off and give us all a real treat! I asked Andrew who taught him to dance, John Travolta’s grandma? Everyone laughed like the high goofballs we are while Andrew danced back into the music room and slammed the door, pumping his fists and screaming! He even managed to break the glass door, shattering it into a pile of shards! Allison observed Andrew and, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that she had a little crush on our resident jock. Andrew called out to me through the broken glass. He asked me if I think I could do better and challenged me to a dance-off! I asked Andrew what the winner gets. Andrew said that, if I win, I get his varsity jacket but, if he wins, I have to write his essay. I told Andrew that I accept his challenge as everyone else shouted their approval. Andrew said “Let’s do this.” I only had one condition, I get to choose the music. Andrew agreed to it and asked me what it’s going to be. I said that I wanted Kansas, Carry On Wayward Son! Andrew agreed to this, cued up a rock track and hit play. The beat pumped through the speakers as I got on my feet and faced off against Andrew! Andrew told me to show them what I’ve got and I did, launching into some power rock moves and ending with some nasty air guitar playing! I dared Andrew to top that and he looked a little nervous, like he didn’t even know who he was fighting against. I told Andrew that I’m not a dancer, which he agreed with. So I told Andrew “let’s see what you got.” Andrew launched into his own routine, which was decent but nowhere near as good as mine! I turned to the rest of the crew and asked them what the survey says. Brian voted for me, Allison voted for Andrew, Claire apologized to Andrew and voted for me and last, but certainly not least, Bender voted for me! Brian said that it was 3-1, so I win! I told Sporto to hand the jacket over and reached my hand towards him. Andrew passed the jacket to me, saying that I won it fair and square, but he seemed sad to part with it. He looked like he was parting from a dear friend he’d known since childhood. So I gave the jacket back to Andrew and told him to never make a bet when you’re on a “study break.” He thanked me and said that it was pretty cool of me, but I told Andrew that I’m keeping the title, which he agreed to. Andrew raised my hand in the air as I shouted “Jasmine! Shermer High Dance Champion 1985!” I raised both hands in the air like I was Rocky as the others cheered me on!

2:23 pm and the pot’s wearing off. We’re all winding down after our “study break.” I asked Brian if he had a middle name and he told me to guess. Allison approached us and sat next to Brian. She said that Brian’s middle name was Ralph… as in puke. Then she said that Brian’s birthday is March 12th, he’s five-nine and a half, he weighs a hundred and thirty pounds and his social security number is 049380913. I remembered that Allison was the one who stole his wallet in history class and asked if that’s what she did. Guess what, she did steal Brian’s wallet. Then she showed it to us as Brian weakly demanded that she give it back to him. Allison refused, despite Brian’s insistent demanding. Allison tossed the wallet to me and I checked Brian’s ID. I told Brian that it was the worst fake ID I’ve ever seen, because he made himself 68! Brian admit that he goofed it. I asked him what he needed a fake ID for. Brian said that it was so he could vote, which we all laughed at. I’ve heard of people having fake IDs, but usually it’s to buy alcohol or get into clubs, not so you can vote. Then I said that this is probably going to sound really weird, but today has been the best day I’ve had in a long time. Brian said that he felt the same way. Claire laughed and said that it was the saddest thing she ever heard. I told Claire that I’m serious. Andrew said that he agreed with us. Bender pointed out that he’s going to be here every Saturday for the next two months, so we’re all welcome to join him. I told Bender that, best day or not, I need to catch up on my meetings with the stay home and sleep club. Claire turned to me and pointed out that we’ve been stuck together all day but none of them really know anything about me. Bender agreed and said that I should tell them something weird about me. I told them that my brother once tricked me into drinking a glass of fat. That grossed everyone out, even Claire who I saw eating raw fish at lunch. Allison just smiled and asked me how my brother tricked me. I explained that he told me it was cider. Then I admitted that I threw it up right after tasting it. Then Allison said that she knows something about me that I’m not telling them! She pulled a crumbled piece of paper from her bag and dangled it in front of the group! Now I’ve got a situation to resolve that could either make or break me.

A/N: Hope you like this chapter!  You can RP in the comments, if you can figure out how to RP as this is a private diary.  Unless your character is the type to steal someone’s else’s diary.

Tamagotchi L.I.F.E. (iPhone App Store)


The beloved digital pet from the 90s is back and it’s on your phone. Take care of the little alien and make sure to keep it alive.

Even if you didn’t have a tamagotchi in the 90s, you probably had an equivalent. When I was a kid, I had two giga pets, a cat and a T-Rex. They never lived very long because I had to go to school and I couldn’t take the toys with me. There’s really not much of a plot to these things except an alien came to earth and you have to raise it. However, I will say one thing. While Tamagotchi’s popularity skyrocketed in Japan, it fell out of favor in the U.S. I don’t know if they brought these things to the iPhone to bring back its popularity or to give nostalgic adults like me a taste of their childhood.

The game play is the same as it was on the toy. You press the correct button to meet your Tamagotchi’s needs. If you don’t tend to the creature, it will die. You can pick which Tamagotchi you want between Generation 1 and Generation 2. As you play, you can unlock various wallpaper and shell designs. You also have two choices to play the app. You can play it as an actual app, by pressing the correct icon, or, if you’re feeling really nostalgic, play it in shell mode. In other words, tap the left button until you get to the icon you want and tap the confirm button to select it.

This game is not deep yet addictive. I give it 6 out of 10; you get attached to the Tamagotchi after a while.

Pong (iPhone App Store)

The very first video game ever created has found its way on your iPhone.  Bounce a ball around with paddles in this 2d tennis court.

I got this game because I saw a few screenshots of it on That 70s Show and wanted to see if it’s any fun.  Despite the simple concept, I’d have to say that it is.  Sometimes it’s nice to play a game where you can turn your brain off.  My only problem is that you can’t make the paddles smaller if you’re way too good at the game.

This game is simplistic and addictive.  I give it 7 out of 10; the perfect game to play when you’re drinking.

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