An evil wizard has cast a sleeping spell on Princess Zelda. In order to awaken her, Link must travel to six palaces and return the rods to get the Triforce of Courage. Unfortunately, minions of Ganon have set out to kill Link in order to revive their master.
All right, a few issues with the plot. For one thing, the decree that Hyrule royal family name every daughter Zelda sounds very confusing. What’s going to happen when the family has two daughters? Do they just name them Zelda 1 and Zelda 2? Another thing, I don’t get why Link’s blood is required to revive Ganon. He seems to revive in every other game just fine without it. The only explanation I can come up with is that Ganon’s minions have been secretly killing Link whenever he settles down with a family. I get that the whole purpose of this plot point was to give Link enemies to fight but it makes no sense. They would be constantly stalking him day in and day out never giving him a moment’s peace. He wouldn’t be able to do anything without armed guards around him every day of his life. In addition, what is Link doing in Zelda’s chamber?
I get that the game needed a place for him to start but there is no reason for him to be there. At best, he’s admiring her beauty while she sleeps. At worst, well, I really don’t want to think about it.
As for the game play, they pretty much took away everything that made it great. Instead of solving puzzles, you have to fight your way through everything and if you’re anything like me, you will die quite often. If you back out, you can’t gain levels. You can also talk to people in town to gain magic, but you have to complete a quest first. If you’re low on health, you can visit a woman in a red dress who will take you to her house and heal your wounds.
In other words, while many women have a crush on Link in Ocarina of Time, this is the game where he got the most action and I’m not talking about fighting monsters. I don’t know if the makers were too naive to figure out what that was implying or this was their desperate attempt at fan service. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand if hot animated characters arouse you but if a pack of pixels turns you on, please remove yourself from the gene pool.
I once had a very painful cramp in my foot. Just when I thought it was gone, the pain came back double. That is exactly how this game rolls. I give it 0 out of 10; if you’re playing all the Zelda games, just skip this one.